Carlos was lonely.
Amongst his many friends was no depth of relationship. Crowds felt lonely to him.
One day, all of that changed when he was assigned a group project in his last year of college. Each night they gathered in homes, coffee places and a yogurt place until they finished their presentation. It was terribly fun for Carlos and he wished it could continue.
That Saturday night he received a call from the ringleader, Missy, informing him of their plans to go see the newest Marvel movie in the theatre. Carlos was stoked! Real friends. And so the group watched together in the dark. They laughed, threw popcorn at each other, and cheered when the bad guy was defeated. As they left the theatre, they rehashed the best moments from the flick and Missy suggested going to a boba place afterwards to talk a bit more. Carlos, didn’t really like Boba so he skipped out this time. But that night as his head hit the pillow, his heart was full.
The following week a new Pixar film was coming out and the group was going. Carlos jumped at the idea and once again they laughed and cried together as a group. Most everyone decided to go eat afterwards. One person suggested fish tacos at Rubio’s and they all started to head to their cars. But Carlos decided against it. His abuela made the best fish tacos and Rubio’s wasn’t on the same level. The next week brought another movie and Carlos had another excuse not to go out after the movie.
This continued for weeks with varying excuses.
“I have to take my mom to the airport in the morning.”
“My cat’s sick.”
“I need to clean up my apartment.”
The excuses mounted and the crew eventually stopped inviting Carlos afterwards. One week, there were no good movies and so they all went to dinner without inviting Carlos at all.
The group continued to meet. They helped each other move. They went to baseball games. They helped bring food when others were sick. They went to each other’s weddings. As they got older their kids played together in the parks and beaches. Carlos was rarely invited.
It wasn’t that they didn’t like Carlos. They did. But they really didn’t know him. Watching movies with him was fun, but they just sat and watched. How can you really get to know someone with five minutes of small talk before and after a movie? You can’t. Carlos’ loneliness persisted. As the invites dwindled Carlos stopped answering even for the movies. He was done. They had failed him as friends.
Friends. It’s easy to paint Carlos as the bad guy in this story. But he’s not.
He’s just doing the best he can. There are many like Carlos in our church. Well-meaning friends who come on Sunday. They faithfully come to church on Sunday. They sit and sing from their perspective seats. After receiving the blessing they quickly make their way back to their cars, talking to a few friends on the way out. Some stay longer and talk for a few minutes, but you can’t go very deep that quickly.
This is where the next step is so important. City Groups.
City groups are imperfect. They don’t always go deep in one week. Sometimes they are too big to have genuine conversation. Other times they can be awkwardly small. But the depth built over months of faithfully meeting each week always leads to depth of relationship and friendship. You will continually have great excuses not to make a city group. The most common is your work schedule or being tired. You will have to eat during your group. And I get it. When it comes to engaging other humans at 6:30pm on a weeknight or eating cereal while mindlessly scrolling Instagram, the city group is never going to be comparatively easy. But it will stretch you and grow your faith. It will stretch and grow the depth of your relationships, but it will always take more work than watching Netflix.
I wish I could say it’s easy. But it’s not. Building relationships is serious work, but there’s one thing I can always promise you. It’s also worth every minute and it brings God glory.
You got this,
-Pastor Dale.
PS- You can find your city group HERE and give it a shot this week!
